A Special Kind of Wait.
In life there are seasons in which we are waiting for things to happen. Perhaps this is waiting for a phone call back about a doctor's appointment, waiting for a special event, waiting to be engaged or the wedding, even waiting for dinner. We are not strangers to waiting. Yet, some forms of waiting are much more taxing on our minds and hearts.
For us the waiting for parenthood began on our wedding day. It was not something that I was prepared for or even thought would be part of our story. Afterall, we both came from big families, why not us too? The only thing is, the Lord was asking us to wait. Wait for 6 ½ years to be exact.
Over the years we were guided to parenthood through the gift of adoption. It is just that, a beautiful gift, but one that comes with a lot of waiting. As a hopeful adoptive couple you are waiting and preparing a lot. It starts with documents for the Home Study, then applications, waiting on background clearances to come through, waiting to apply to agencies, and waiting to be matched.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
There are times when the wait is easy. Our hearts are filled with such peace and God’s grace is evident in each “not yet”. Every situation presented a comfort of placing our “yes” in God’s hand with a prayer of, “Let Your will be done, not mine”. It can be easy to trust in God’s goodness to prevail and truly not worry about the outcomes because in our heart of hearts we know He loves us unconditionally.
There are also times when the wait can be crippling. Waiting to hear about a prospective birth mother. Waiting to share the love you have to give with her as well as her child. Waiting to place a “yes” at the feet of Christ. Waiting to hear back if you were matched, imagining how it will be when your life is changed forever with one single phone call. In these times it is not as easy to remember moments of God’s faithfulness. The hurt grows deeper, tears streaming down our faces, falling to our knees praying out of hope and despair, less of conviction.
For me, and many of my sisters who carry the cross of infertility, the waiting in adoption doesn’t just begin with presenting our profile, but began years before with each doctor appointment and negative pregnancy test. Our hearts and minds have been riding this roller coaster of possibility and hope for far too long.
What can be so hard to remember, is that in the wait we are being molded into the image of Christ. We are being challenged to rise above our circumstances and to meet Jesus in His suffering. We are closest to Jesus in our suffering, as he suffered and gave up everything for us. He is molding us in the wait like the potter molding the clay. “Can I not do to you, house of Israel as this potter has done? - oracle of the Lord. Indeed like clay in the potter, so are you in my hand, house of Israel”. Jeremiah 18:6.
To all my hopeful adoptive parents, I am with you in your wait. My heart feels your sorrow, excitement, surrender, hope, and peace. God will provide the desires of your heart and your perfect yes is out there. While there are many things we can do while waiting, sometimes it is helpful to just sit. Sit in the wait and be ok with the feelings you have, working through them one by one. Jesus is sitting right next to you, always. You are not alone, and I cannot wait to see the masterpiece you are molded into throughout this wait.
