dangers of the savior Complex
What is the term savior?
What do we think of when we hear the term savior? - Jesus Christ. After all, Savior means a person who saves someone or something from danger.
There is a term that is sometimes used in adoption called the “Savior complex” and honestly it’s uncomfortable.
Essentially what this is referring to is that sometimes in adoption when a person or family whose initial desire to adopt to “save” this child as if they are the only ones to make a difference. Often this can result in the mindset as if the adoption is something that should be applauded and recognized, resulting in a sense of satisfaction. The problem here is that it often can be rooted in a self -serving manner. By thinking that this baby needs to be saved from whatever circumstances he or she could be facing by remaining in the care of the birth parents. It can quickly spiral into overlooking the expecting mother or family and the challenges that go into intentionally making an adoption plan.
The hard truth is that adoption is not about “saving” anyone. Not the child. Not the birth family. It is about providing unconditional love, respect, and compassion for one another.
This is where adoption education is essential. By better understanding the adoption process and how each member of the triad is impacted, we can approach each situation with empathy and compassion. We can focus on how we care for this child and this birth mother well.
After all, adoption is when an expecting mother of any age, background, or circumstances selflessly decides to make an intentional plan to place her child for adoption. It is not giving up her baby or done carelessly.
As adoptive parents and hopeful adoptive parents our motivations for adopting are driven from personal experiences, maybe with other adoptees in our life, infertility, you name it. God places this call on our hearts individually. It is up to us to do the work to reflect upon our motives and desires for adopting and make sure we are not falling into this savior complex. To recognize that this adoption actually is not about us, it is about loving a child.
A few things we can continue to do to keep the savior complex at bay and make sure out heart and intentions continue to align with the will of Christ are:
Reflect internally. It is crucial to really reflect inwards about what has shaped you to this point. What experiences you may have had in your upbringing, what wounds and healing you have experienced that can impact your parenting. The child you welcome home someday has experienced loss and trauma. It is important to first look inward to make sure the work is done to selflessly provide for him/her and provide support in whatever emotional, physical, or social areas that may be needed.
Continued education, reading, podcasts, community support groups, Talking to different people in the adoption triad, learning from one another's perspective. The discourse surrounding adoption is ever evolving and it is important to continue to learn. By educating ourselves continually we can make sure to always do our best at honoring each member of the triad and living a positive example of adoption.
Advocating to family and friends on the importance of positive adoption language.
Respecting your child’s story. Adoption is intimate and personal. Allowing the information surrounding your child’s adoption to be theirs to someday share and carefully discerning who needs to know what, and to what extent.
There is such an importance of not making an adoption plan something that the child or birth family should be grateful for. As adoptive parents, we go into this with no expectations other than to provide love and support unconditionally. Trying to remember that Jesus Christ is the only savior, and with His love and guidance may we be beacons of light to do His will here on Earth.
